


Cause of Death

by faithinthepoor



Series: Rizzoli and Isles [8]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 03:35:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In my series this follows <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/621139">Body of Evidence</a>, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/621144">Locard’s Principle</a>, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/621154">Sex Crimes</a>, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/621169">Post-Mortem</a>, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/622535">M'Naghten Rules</a>, <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/622575">Genetic Markers</a> and <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/625031">Internal Affairs</a></p>
    </blockquote>





	Cause of Death

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [Body of Evidence](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621139), [Locard’s Principle](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621144), [Sex Crimes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621154), [Post-Mortem](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621169), [M'Naghten Rules](http://archiveofourown.org/works/622535), [Genetic Markers](http://archiveofourown.org/works/622575) and [Internal Affairs](http://archiveofourown.org/works/625031)

For the rest of her life she will be haunted by the sound of a gunshot and the image of Jane crashing to the pavement. She is not a person who is prone to nightmares, well at least not of this nature. In the past all of her bad dreams related to failure to perform to her own high standards. Now she is plagued by dreams of blood and death. They’re not always related to the hostage situation that she witnessed but it is always Jane who is in danger and it always ends badly.

She knows that Jane survived and there is no rational reason for her to dwell on an outcome that did not occur but in the aftermath of the shooting Maura has found that her behaviour is far from rational. When Jane was in surgery Maura refused to leave the waiting room until she knew the outcome. At one point Korsak had tried to get Frost to forcibly remove her but Frost seemed to know how to pick his battles and all he did was bring her food from the vending machine and pester her until she finally consumed something.

It was a very difficult period. Thinking about it still makes her uncomfortable. It was strange to feel so powerless. She often needs to point out that her expertise lies with dead bodies and her specialty of choice had never felt like a failing before but as Jane’s life hung in the balance she wished she had a different skill set. She wanted to be in the operating room. She wanted to be able to contribute. It was unbearable to sit there and wait to hear if her world was going to come crashing down around her. 

To say that she was desperate would be an understatement. She even went so far as to pray to a god that she doesn’t believe in and ask that Jane be returned safely. Maybe her faith in science has made her both arrogant and blind because it seems that there might be a god and that she might be being punished for her beliefs because while Jane survived the surgery she was not returned to Maura. It seemed impossible to think that there could be anything worse than Jane dying. It turns out that it is far worse to have Jane survive but reject her. 

While Jane was unconscious Maura stayed at her side. She sat by that bed for hours on end holding her hand. It made her angry to be told to leave the room when there were too many visitors. At those times she was often given patronizing looks and reminded that she was not family. She found the concrete definition of family insulting. Whatever the nature of her relationship with Jane, she is undeniably part of her family. The idea that people could look her in the eye and claim that biology is the only thing that binds people was incredibly insulting. She wanted to point out that she is adopted and she has no ties to anyone with whom she shares DNA but she knew that it wouldn’t do any good. The health profession is not one that is burdened with an excess of common sense. 

Once Jane was awake it wasn’t the hospital staff keeping Maura out of the room it was the fact that Jane didn’t want to see her. Maura didn’t know how to handle this. It was difficult for her to be shut out like that and she spent a lot of her time hounding Jane’s mother for updates. That same drive led her to contact Jane’s surgeon frequently. She still feels bad that something that she did to learn more about Jane turned into a sexual relationship. 

She is not prone to regretting her sexual encounters but she does regret her brief fling with Byron. It’s not just that he belittled her, and had an inaccurate opinion of his own importance, it’s that being with him was still centred around Jane. She understands the theories of projection and displacement but she never thought she would utilize them. She should be so much smarter than that. To think that she could have slept with a man because she didn’t want to acknowledge her anger towards Jane or because she was grateful for the roll he played in saving the person that she really wanted is quite repugnant.

Meeting Jane had always seemed like the best thing that ever happened to her and the thing that allowed her to grow as a person. It seems that analysis was flawed because if anything she has regressed. She wants to go back to the person she was, the person who could have sex without messy emotions being involved. It hasn’t escaped her attention that she terminated her liaison with Byron almost as soon as Jane threw off the coat of self-pity that she had been wearing and re-entered the world. Maura shouldn’t be influenced by Jane’s actions, especially since Jane has made it clear that she doesn’t want her.

It goes without saying that Maura would have preferred Jane’s reintroduction into the world not involve a chance meeting with the high school boyfriend to whom Jane almost lost her virginity. She tried to be supportive when it seemed that Jane had rekindled that flame and even did her best to offer praise when it seemed Jane had had sex. She knows that Jane denied that intercourse took place but something certainly happened because Maura is aware what a content and sated Jane looks like. She is also aware that, unless she is the one to have made Jane look that way, she never wants to see Jane look like that again.

It’s petty but she was delighted to learn that Jane’s soldier boy was being shipped back off to Afghanistan. She does want Jane to be happy but she is far from ready to watch Jane be in a relationship with someone else. It may mean that she is in danger of no longer being able to call herself a genius but she is also far from ready to give up the idea that she still has a chance with Jane.

She knows that Jane’s pain disappeared when the case was solved and presumably Jane felt functional again but she can’t help but notice another coincidence. Jane’s somatising ended at the point where both of them became free agents. It’s possible she is misreading things but it still holds promise. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up but she fears that’s about as likely as her being able to keep her hands off Jane’s body.


End file.
